Fragile

I had been all over the place these past few months. From all that has happened, I now remember why I became a loner kind of guy. I often get comments that as a person, I had set up my walls too high. It was convenient. It kept my peace of mind. All the conversations I've been having, I had it with me, myself and I.

I found people that made me comfortable to share my thoughts unto. It was liberating. It felt good to talk about things that I had kept to myself for so long.

It did complicate the world that I live in inside my head. Interpretations. Expectations. Hopefulness that things will happen. It is too much for somebody who overthinks most of the time and gets stuck on analysis paralysis.

Not Stupid

When I started this blog, my intent was to earn from it - not knowing how complicated the blogging world is. I just went ahead writing random stuff - no thought of a niche topic, audience. To document my life basically.

After a while I started to become more conscious on the content that publish. Wil Dasovich reminded me of this conundrum during the Vlogging 101 workshop he run on a group of Accenture aspiring #GameChanger Ambassadors. He is right - we over criticize ourselves and that is the biggest hindrance in us getting out there, exposed in the open world wide web. I personally felt I looked stupid on the posts I published. We just can be too hard on ourselves sometimes. The fear of judgement is eating us up.

I guess it is a process - fight or flight. And when you strongly feel that something is your passion, you make it work by all means. As Wil puts it - "do what you fear and learn to love it...". If it makes you uncomfortable and it sends butterflies to your stomach, you take the pressure as fuel.

If ever I find the time and will to pursue blogging or even vlogging for the matter, as in more seriously, I guess I'll do more of what I usually post now on my social media handles - food, getaways and probably talk about what I do everyday for work. Hard to think of content that has audience and something that people will give a damn. Probable I can get hits on staycation or teambuilding options. But then again, maybe not. Too. Lazy.

7 Years After

Its a new year and as always, overthinking again. I wanted to write my entry to this season's essay writing contest but ended up not writing until now. The long break made me think how I've been getting along with improving my fitness. I had a wake up call around September last year when I was having terrible headaches that paracetamol can't fix. Then remembered I had been a terrible patient of hypertension. Took my wrist BP monitor and got a 160/100. I may have been missing drinking my meds. >.<

Anyway, while this is a horrible case of bad patient not drinking meds - I wanted to make it better with sleep, diet and exercise. Set my alarm to sleep and wake up. Ordered monthly subscription from Diet-in-a-Box (which by the way tastes like resto food, so you will not feel you are in a diet at all). Now playing badminton every Sunday too for at least 4 hours, then 3x in the gym every week. To no surprise, holidays is to pig out and so I did! Before all the gluttony I was already 160 lbs, but when I weighed myself today, I gained 10 lbs that fast in 2 weeks. 

And so all the guilt sank in and this picture at the bottom is me after 1 hour running on the threadmill and doing all the machines in the gym aimlessly in light weight compared to what I can now lift. I just wanted to burn a lot. When I got home, I weight myself and lost 2 lbs. But I guess it was because I was starving myself the whole day - which is a very bad idea.

Can't explain my hunger then. Next thing I know, I finished a tub of spaghetti from a workmate. Even if I sleep better, eat healthier and exercise more - I really need to work on my self-control. Whenever I see food on the table and it's just me, everything is going down.