Fragile

I had been all over the place these past few months. From all that has happened, I now remember why I became a loner kind of guy. I often get comments that as a person, I had set up my walls too high. It was convenient. It kept my peace of mind. All the conversations I've been having, I had it with me, myself and I.

I found people that made me comfortable to share my thoughts unto. It was liberating. It felt good to talk about things that I had kept to myself for so long.

It did complicate the world that I live in inside my head. Interpretations. Expectations. Hopefulness that things will happen. It is too much for somebody who overthinks most of the time and gets stuck on analysis paralysis.

Nothingness

Now that I’ve realized, it’s been months since I left a 500-meter radius. My place is along EDSA, then, my work is around two blocks away. This is just the perfect setup to save a lot, but also be kept from the rest of the world. I had been so engrossed with my work. 

It’s just that I know that this will not last forever. I want to ride the wave while it still carries me. I know it will end. I’m putting every effort to keep my glide until I get where I want to be. How strong my will maybe, I know it will falter, as much as I don’t want it to be. But there is just one more thing that keeps me going.

I’m afraid of death, that all of I see, feel and strive for will go nowhere. All that people say and expect you to do are things that usually keep you from getting what you want. But because of that notion of death, I owed myself the right to be selfish. Someday, everything will just be nothingness, and you wouldn’t even know it. No senses. No state of mind. Simply nothing.

But today doesn’t have to be that way. We can be more ambitious, while we can be. Know what truly matters to us. It may not be the thing that people that we love want, but for sure, it’s that one thing that no one can take from us.

Say What Now?

With every decision that you make, you just can’t expect everybody to be happy about it. There will be that person or those people who would feel uneasy or pissed about it.

Parents, if I were you, I wouldn’t lock up my child inside the house – that is coming from somebody who was locked out of everything. You might feel that you are shielding your child from all the harm, but it’s more of depriving your child from everything that’s great in living a life. Over protection won’t build confidence, it decomposes what’s there to ashes.

Nagging! It just makes everything worse. If you don’t like people yelling at your ear, neither do your children. All the yelling most of the time is the trigger to people doing crazy things, like yell back, fight back, or walk away.

I’ll make sure that every choice I make is MY DECISION. It might not be the best option, but what really matters is that I’m happy about it, and I don’t see me regretting it any time soon. There is no right or wrong anyway, only what each people think is right and wrong.

I won't be surprised if after reading this entry, you'll end up saying - what the hell are you talking about! There is no concept of coherence in this post. This is how I think by default. Disconnected. Sort of nonsense. Hahaha! But what the hell, I have another unrelated thought - back when I was working at a call center, I would usually hear my customers say "sey whut nehw!" I prolly am hearing it right now from people who are reading this entry, if there is somebody, hahahha! Enough sabaw statements said!