Not Stupid

When I started this blog, my intent was to earn from it - not knowing how complicated the blogging world is. I just went ahead writing random stuff - no thought of a niche topic, audience. To document my life basically.

After a while I started to become more conscious on the content that publish. Wil Dasovich reminded me of this conundrum during the Vlogging 101 workshop he run on a group of Accenture aspiring #GameChanger Ambassadors. He is right - we over criticize ourselves and that is the biggest hindrance in us getting out there, exposed in the open world wide web. I personally felt I looked stupid on the posts I published. We just can be too hard on ourselves sometimes. The fear of judgement is eating us up.

I guess it is a process - fight or flight. And when you strongly feel that something is your passion, you make it work by all means. As Wil puts it - "do what you fear and learn to love it...". If it makes you uncomfortable and it sends butterflies to your stomach, you take the pressure as fuel.

If ever I find the time and will to pursue blogging or even vlogging for the matter, as in more seriously, I guess I'll do more of what I usually post now on my social media handles - food, getaways and probably talk about what I do everyday for work. Hard to think of content that has audience and something that people will give a damn. Probable I can get hits on staycation or teambuilding options. But then again, maybe not. Too. Lazy.

The Whirlwind of Everyday Work

It’s been a long time since I last posted a blog post – well, about a year! I’ve told myself to keep this blog as my sanity check, if I’m living my life the way I wanted to. I slipped away. I even forgot that people called me by the name of the domain of this blog. The only person calling me “Binog” at work is the person I look up to as my mentor. Since my work moved from Boni to McKinley Hill again, I would see old officemates calling me out by that name. Means a lot, but most importantly, I realized something – I changed.

A lot of things about me got lost in translation ever since I moved to my new company. Everything in my head is work. I would spend a lot of hours in the office and just go home to get a few hours of sleep. It became a routine. I was supposed to go like that only when the circumstances call for it. There came a time that it was almost every single day in a week. It just got too toxic.

During the start of this year, I told myself, I have to snap out of the routine. I have to do other stuff. This was what this blog was supposed to remind me. I guess, I should keep writing on it to stay true to it. I should. And I will.

Nothingness

Now that I’ve realized, it’s been months since I left a 500-meter radius. My place is along EDSA, then, my work is around two blocks away. This is just the perfect setup to save a lot, but also be kept from the rest of the world. I had been so engrossed with my work. 

It’s just that I know that this will not last forever. I want to ride the wave while it still carries me. I know it will end. I’m putting every effort to keep my glide until I get where I want to be. How strong my will maybe, I know it will falter, as much as I don’t want it to be. But there is just one more thing that keeps me going.

I’m afraid of death, that all of I see, feel and strive for will go nowhere. All that people say and expect you to do are things that usually keep you from getting what you want. But because of that notion of death, I owed myself the right to be selfish. Someday, everything will just be nothingness, and you wouldn’t even know it. No senses. No state of mind. Simply nothing.

But today doesn’t have to be that way. We can be more ambitious, while we can be. Know what truly matters to us. It may not be the thing that people that we love want, but for sure, it’s that one thing that no one can take from us.

Jey-Kah-Loo

Jkalu. I'm not sure if this is how its supposed to be spelled but whatever. Its been a common word in the office and I'm getting a lot of "anong ibig sabihin nun?" Well, lately, I've been using it in my language, so I think, I pretty much now what it is all about. Thanks to my talent of being susceptible to different expressions, gestures and mannerisms.

Jkalu Number One. We left at around 6PM from the office to rehearse. We arrived at the band rehearsal studio at around 7PM. We were expecting that the studio was free, but came out otherwise. We should have rehearsed, that was supposed to be the last one. We were not able to rehearse our last song. Expect as jamming in the office tomorrow.

Jkalu Number Two. I bought expensive stuff for tomorrow but was not able to alter the pants to fit my height. Bozo, my roommate was making fun of me. He said I should use safety pins, so I would shine brightly on stage. I was thinking of hand sewing my pants, but...

Jkalu Number Three. ... I can't find any needle and thread!! I'm doomed. You'll really see a star on stage tomorrow night... Don't miss it!!

Epic Fail

All right, the whole world knows I'm a frustrated singer, or front act. I can't seem to get out of my self-doubts. Nerves just eat me alive.

Well, I guess, when you are inspired, some magic happens. That tiny bit of inspiration makes all the difference. Now I have reason for all the singing. Each song means more now, I dig the lyrics now. I find myself appreciating the song more, speaking each line like you meant it With this, the intense blood pumping is channeled to something good. It talks less of being conscious of myself, but more of getting a message across.

On the night before my cousin leaves for the US, we got ourselves a videoke machine out of desperation. Day  one of Joy's vacation, she insisted to have a karaoke night until her vacation is almost over. So here goes my mom with a bright idea, we had the singing in our house instead. We sang our hearts out the whole night until my sister punched one song she knew we really loved. She made me sing it. Before, I can't belt out those big notes, but this time, I thought of someone and all the mushy-ness in me came out. After that song, I just knew I have to record it. So here you have it. Its just that it turned out not so good, hahaha! I was all about worrying my camera not falling down from the tripod. People came back and forth, making me paranoid and flushing the mushy-ness away. So here, another fail recording. Plus, the camera was too near to the speakers of the machine, making the bass tones pound ears. Oh well, maybe when I'm in front of her, I would be able to sing this with all I have. ♥

o. t. b.

Really had a great time last Friday! I caught up with workmates for some out-of-the-season water fun. I almost got lost on my way there, but all the agony was all worth it! :D When you are with cool people, genuine fun is in store for yah.

Not everybody knows how to swim, but who said getaways like this are only about swimming across the pool. We had search-the-coin-underwater craziness, a lot of water stunts and some retarded race, read on!

There was this path on the perimeter of the large pool where people usually do human trains. With our crazy little minds, we thought of having a race. First leg of the race was with everybody fitting their way to one lap. We wanted to put some twist on it, so instead, we divided in two teams and then let each player race one lap and then tag it on to the next person. It was so much fun that left our chests pounding out loud.

A thing that will never be missed in a getaway is tons of pictures.  Here are some of the cam-whoring session:

it's the climb

I almost shaved my hair off. All the frustration just rushed up into my head, until I can’t bear it no more. Its been quite some time since I felt like this. I’ve always been that happy person that goes along whatever comes. But sometimes, I’d like to believe I also have a period like girls. There are these times when I get irritated with the slightest negative thing that would happen. A while ago would be one of those times –  its just that right now, I have the black’s, the green’s or the gold’s to help me clear my thoughts. Just got my distance from all the razors and the scissors and gladly, now, getting myself skin head is no longer a want.

Some movement is happening at work and it got me excited. It’s been fun, fun, fun with stuff happening, but it’s kinda weird, because I’m looking for work, work, work. I’ve lost that sense of eagerness to learn. I’ve told myself that I can learn anything and be great in it in due time, and now doors are opening to showcase it. I’ve proven it in my previous work.

My Only Exception

If there is one song that would tell how I feel right it would be this one right here - The Only Exception by Paramore (click here for the official video which rocks! oh yeah!). When I like a song, usually its because of how it sounds, but this one just catches everything of me - my parents, my doubts and my new found love.



Lemme just share the lyrics:


When I was younger I saw my daddy
cry and curse at the wind.
He broke his own heart and
I watched as he tried to re-assemble it.
And my mamma swore she would
never let herself forget.
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if does not exist.
But darling..


You are the only exception (x4)


Maybe I know somewhere deep in
my soul that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways
to make it alone or keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this
keeping a comfortable, distance.
And up until now I swore to myself
that I'm content with loneliness,
'cause none of it was ever worth the risk.


But you are the only exception (x4)


I've got a tight grip on reality,
but I can't let go of whats part of me here.
I know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up,
leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream.


Whooa..


You are the only exception (x8)
And I'm on my way to believing.. (x2)


Before ending this entry, I just wanna say, you are my only exception Joane Denise Saulon. ♥

Bozo & Binog - Your Love

Just made a cover with my roommate, Oso - who by the way is a Marvin also. We recorded our take on Your Love by Alamid. I would like to dedicate the singing to Pinakamaganda.net a.k.a. Joane Denise. :) Do take a peek!

I also had the guts to post this other video. Hahaha! I think it was back third or fourth year college, with my orgmates. We called our group, OCB.. I was so nervous before this set. To give me just the right attitude with it, I went for a can of beer. It seems like it didn't work out the way I thought it would, hahaha! Spot the jejemon in this video.

Status Quo

Right now, I am having a blast at work. I never imagined that I would enjoy being a corporate slave - well, I'm not gonna put a period to that statement yet. But again, even if I haven't totally understood what it is to be that corporate slave, the right now is what I love.

I met a lot of people - beautiful people indeed. Simply enjoying their company brings out the life in me. If I would describe it in a statement, it would be - laughing until it gets the life out of me, well, with a bit of some nasty stuff. We may be sabaw most of the time, but these guys are the most emotionally mature people that I've known. I see decades of fun ahead of us, and that I look forward to.

Another piece of the story is that... I'm in love, after one million years. Hahaha! Mahirap na pihikan, pogi ako eh!  Hahaha! *kapal ng mukha* First time I saw her, I just knew I like her. I had a couple of crushes here and there, but this one is another story. I was able to tell it to some close friends, and they were able to give that pep talk. Go na, baka maunahan ka pa. Hahaha! So here goes, come what may. I'll give it my best shot. Whatever happens, I'm good. It just is great, simply being with her. I don't know what it is in the other half of the story, but a boy in love just needs to do what he is supposed to do. She brought out that person that I've come to forget - the person who knows a thing called love.

Karma Over Love

Somebody at work asked me yesterday, "Gaano ka na katagal single?" - I felt the need to respond immediately, so, in a few seconds, I said "Dalawa." I really didn't know how long already, but one thing is for sure, its longer than 2 freaking years. I guess I haven't moved on completely, unlike the other half of the story, who seemed like totally over it, with another guy.

Somebody might curse me by telling this story, but it wouldn't matter - that person already dug where my coffin is gonna be buried. Here goes... I was the one who broke up with my last girlfriend, my first and last to be exact (but please, let me have my next!). Everything was totally okay before I said those hurtful words, as everybody would say. Except me. I simply fell out of love - mushy or cheezy as it may sound, but that is how I felt about it. I could not recall the reasons why I loved her. All that's left were compromises that I did to make her happy - to the point that she didn't notice that something was broken in me. One day, I just woke up and decided that, I ain't fooling anybody anymore, especially myself. Tears fell, and the rest was history.

My Baby's First Month

stop over for a drink

This grainy shot was the last photo I took using my hand-me-down N72 - ate a cinnamon roll, and hot mocha coffee on the side, at Starbucks Blue Wave, along Macapagal Avenue on 1st of June, 2010. The photo was taken 10 minutes after my Nikon D5000 touched my palm. Bought mine from Kimstore, met up at SM Mall of Asia, handed over a lifetime of savings and the rest was history.

Since then, I had a blast spending time with my baby. I would read/watch stuff on the net, take photos of whatever and let my hands take over post processing a couple of photos. It just makes me happy doing these. I've never enjoyed doing something this much. I even attended DPP's Anniversary all the way to Bonifacio High Street on a Saturday with Cecille (check out some photos on top, right on the mini gallery).

I just know I'm gonna make something productive out of this. I just know it.

Over The Drama

I had my intro on my blog as:

Marvin T. Bonifacio a.k.a. Binog is a 6th year student taking up BS Electronics and Communications Engineering in UP Diliman, plus, working part-time in a call center.

Binog equals frustration divided by open parenthesis academic performance plus singing plus writing plus sports plus healthy eating close parenthesis. Simplifying the term, you have breaking free over growing up conservative.

I've decided to remove it, along with a new layout/theme of my blog. Just wanted to make things a little less frustrating, hahaha! But really, taking one step at a time is doing a lot for me. Keep a target but don't let the pressure eat you up. With things happening not so well, I just think of what could do some good. Even if its a losing battle, nobody really knows how things are gonna end up.

Picture here is me after my final interview at UST Global. After less than a week, I was informed that I was shortlisted. Wohoo! All I have to wait for is graduation day. Conditions before contract signing is getting GWA of 2.5 and of course, doing the march! If I pass my subject this semester, I'm at 2.36, haha - borderline, wahahah! If I pass. Its just a month left, and everything is gonna change. Everything is up to me, how everything is gonna end up, so I'm gonna give it my all, this point forward.

To get away from all the stress, here I am, blogging for a bit and doing some changes. Found myself a new theme which has some yellow going on. Cams, workmate at the center, said the lucky color of the year is yellow and white, so here goes the new look. Here are other themes I found and thought were catchy as well:

Summary - http://btemplates.com/2010/02/18/summary/demo/

My Diario - http://mydiario-bloggerthemes.blogspot.com/

Brown Stitch - http://www.bloggerthemes.net/2010/02/brown-stitch.html#

Work - http://iwork-blog.blogspot.com/

I still want to create my own theme, maybe when I'm a little less busy. See y'all!

Not So Into Libraries

During my stay in the university (well, not that I'm done with college, its just that its just a bit more weeks, I think...), I can count the times that I went to the library and borrow a book. Let say, not even ten books, not even five. I think that is one of the reasons why I internalized that quality education takes time... Hmmm... Hahaha! But then today, I was forced to grab one. Exams is coming, and  I hardly catch up with the lessons. And there I go, to the Library.

The book that I'm looking for can be found in two libraries. First stop, Eng'g Lib 1. Okay! I found in just a bit, but the thing is, the photocopy machine is gone inside the library. Texted somebody and she said, I had to borrow the book, and photocopy it elsewhere. Big question mark on my head - HOW DO I BORROW A BOOK!?!? Last time I got a book, I had a library card, and now I don't. I was too shy to ask around. I tried looking for familiar faces in Eng'g, but I did not succeed...Did everybody graduate already? Fwahahahah! While I was eating my lunch, without the book, the same person texted me and said, I don't need a lib card - TOO LATE!! I'm outta there! STRIKE ONE!!

A view outside of Eng'g Lib 2

Next stop, Eng'g Lib 2. Confirmed on OPAC, book is on shelf. I went around the whole place but no trace of the book that I'm looking for. Crap! I went around 3 times, still nothing. Saw TK's and QA's but no call number for TS's! Darn! After a while, I got tired and walked around slower. Okay! There was a shelf, with other call numbers!! They are just few. STRIKE TWO!

Okay, found TS's, but no trace of the particular book I'm looking for.  Found Heja, orgmate, in the lib to the rescue. ""Heja, me bobo question ako." It took a lot of courage to go on with my question, but there, I said it out loud. Good thing, a good samaritan was around. Okay, its on the counter! Hahaha! Its in reserved/circulation. Hahaha! STRIKE THREE!

I do hope this is the last time I'll go to that place, please, let me graduate this time!!!

Pork Barrel - A Toast for Cris and Tin

January 15, 2010, Pork Barrel was the place to be for ERG 04's and for a big circle of friends that celebrate years gone by with Cristopher Olavario and Christine Barrera.

Five hours of videoke, a sip of alcohol and small talks here and there - it was crazy and all. The couple rented a room for everybody to sing their hearts out, but turned out  some people didn't want to lose the microphone, haha! (Who did!?!) It was damn hot inside the room so a lot of people opted to do the chitchat outside. Meaning, some people did sung all night long! Hihi!

What is the main event of the night? Of course, pictorials!! Haha! I got my shot with the lovebirds, look left.

Cris and Tin is diggin' into their careers offshore, to Korea that is. Let's drink to that!! *TASTE BYTE - Luck for the lovebirds in Korea! Also, months and years for the Gracie-Ian love trail! Its their monthsary on that same night!*


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Taste Bytes
http://thetastebytes.blogspot.com/2010/01/pork-barrel-toast-for-cris-and-tin.html

No Internet For Another Week

This is just so frustrating. Last week, I went home expecting good internet connection for the weekend. In ended up with all the expecting - no internet and no DSL link. There, even the telephone line is cut. We had been paying our bill promptly, and this happens.

Frustration extends this weekend! :'( However, we have our telephone back, just no internet. For the mean time, using my Smart Bro plug n play internet. Its a pretty decent speed (check speed test below) but I get disconnected randomly, but will reconnect after restarting the connection. Just 10 pesos every 30 minute window, so all is good, disconnect-reconnect does not hurt my pocket. Hmmm... just a band aid to my frustration, thought Globe is good with handling customers' concerns. >.<

Writer's Block

I believe that I have "Writer's Block" right now, even though I cannot call myself a writer at all. My last post was already a month ago despite having a lot of topics in mind every time. From time to time, I would think of something until I burn hours pondering about it - wanting to write about it; yet, no new entries. Maybe, that is just it - there are too many things to think about right now, that even writing is just an intermission that is not worthwhile to slit in between trains of thought.

Many things happened, but two stood out to be pretty major:

First, I am now officially a product of a broken home. Just found out, I will have another sibling, not from my mom. Hmmm, and by the way things are going forward, it seems like I'm gonna see my mom and dad in court.

Second, my Lola died. Lola, who made the family whole, one last time. All the relatives came at the wake, even Tita Mena from the States went home with the line, "Wala akong pakialam kahit wala akong pera, basta uuwi ako!"

I admit, I think too much, I just can't help it. I waste my time sitting on a corner, or even strolling around the mall alone. Well, a born loner I might be. I opt to have some quiet time than to spend hours with friends. You might see me not speaking at all in a sea of people, but actually, on those times, I ponder a lot on things that I think I should not but still am. I make big deal of small things but I don't let it out, its all in my head, and well, in here. So let me be this loud person online, and somehow, be it an outlet for me being all EMO. I hope writing it down shuts me off thinking too much and so, I will try to write more often. No inhibitions, be it too self-indulgent. In time, I might get back to the happy-go-lucky me... or maybe, I could keep multiple personalities, haha!

Had It All

I've been listening to Kat Mcphee's "Had It All" for more than a day now. Its just that this is my song right now. I think I'm gonna save everyone the explanation, I've been crying out loud a lot lately. Hahah! The break up was like a million years ago already, but me not being able to talk about it with friends just tell me one thing. Well, add the fact that I was not able to court anybody after her. I was thinking that she raised the bars too high, or is it just that I am not yet over her. Shit! There! I let it out right there again, haha! But dig into the song, Katharine Mcphee owned the song a lot. She really sounds good with ballads that have a bluesy feel. Here is the lyrics too, just so you could sing along. Enjoy!




Why'd I have to go and be a fool again

Why'd I have to go and make a big thing out of nothing
I didn't know what I had 'til you were gone
It was right in front of me all along
And now those days of "same old story"
Are feeling more like faded glory

Had it all, I threw it all aside

Thinkin' there was more out there I needed to find
I had it all baby
'Til you went away
Blue skies, sunshine, and butterflies
Those were the conditions that I left behind
Why did I let it go to waste
I had it all

Where are all the fireworks I thought I'd see
I still haven't found the magic I was lookin' for that made me leave, no no
I traded in my comfort zone
For empty nights of bein' alone

I had it all, I threw it all aside
Thinkin' there was more out there I needed to find
I had it all baby
'Til you went away
Blue skies, sunshine, and butterflies
Those were the conditions that I left behind
Why did I let it go to waste
I had it all

Why did I believe that little voice that led me down the path to this bad choice

Why don't I listen to the angels when they sing
(I changed up this line and said: "Why don't I listen to my heart, when it says 'stay'", instead. It was a better "fit" in my mind.)

I had it all, I threw it all aside
Thinkin' there was more out there I needed to find
I had it all baby
'Til you went away
Blue skies, sunshine, and butterflies
Those were the conditions that I left behind
Why did I let it go to waste
I had it all

Emo After A Movie

Just finished watching Bride Wars (Anne Hathaway + Kate Hudson - do watch it! Hehe! Feel good movie right there! But I guess, not for me…) and I’m back to one sad truth – I don’t have a clique. This fact was bothering me for two months now, and it just proves how much of a loner I am. I came across the word back in training for my part-time job at Makati last June. We were ask if we have that one person or small group of close friends whom you could tell almost everything about – probably some moments kept a secret between you or some naughty stuff you did. Well, I don’t.


I was always awkward in a sea of people. I hate people who walk slowly, and tend to leave them behind on the move. I eat alone almost every meal of the day. I find my way out of a gimmick if it would bring hassle to me. Maybe I am just selfish, when I am trying to be practical. Then again, at the end of the day, I am alone.

My Life Is Broken Into Two

Huhuh! Huhuhuh! I just came back from my weekly dose of badminton, and guess what? I think I overdid it a little... My racket is cut into half!! It was one last smash, then it said its goodbye to me. Huwaaaay?! Huwaaay!?!?!

*Babay Carlton!*

*Mukhang kelangan ka na paltan! Pero ala pa ko pera... >.<*

I was planning to change its string. Good thing, I didn't. It would have been put to waste, because it is useless now. Somebody give me a racket!! Heheheh! Well, it was not because I hit so hard, its just that it is time for my Carlton, haha! That is how Ate Leslie put it, haha! Rest in peace, my racket. But hell, I can't live without badminton, somebody, I beg you whoever you are, give me a new racket! Hahaha! I can't live without badminton!!